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I shouldn’t be posting this.  It’s late and I’ve had too much Barolo.  But I’m worried:

Was it an implied threat?  Or am I being too suspicious?

A boyfriend, out of the distant past, sends this email:

Still find myself thinking about you…and missing you.

And attached to the email is a picture of me from our time together. It’s not porn exactly, but it’s a very intimate, so-called “boudoir” photograph that he had professionally taken as part of a Valentine’s Day surprise back when we were “an item.”

Do I dare post this picture?

Of me, but is it about me, this picture? Rather, it’s about him — me through his eyes. 

It was fun at the time…my making believe I’m a Playboy centerfold or some such… and his sparing no expense on professional makeup artists and stylists blowing out my hair and making me appear so unnaturally yet perfectly seductive I look like a different person, a stranger to myself, in soft focus.

But now I’m suddenly worried what he’ll do with the images. Off and on, over the time since we’ve been apart, he’s let it be known that he’s angry we’re no longer together; and though his most recent message is seemingly sweet enough, I know him well enough to know that beneath his charm lurks a dark side.

The best offense is a good defense, I’ve always heard.  So, damn him, I’ll post the picture myself!

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